2013-02-24

Giving Up

I give up. I give up trying to be what everyone wants me to be. Sometimes, I feel like I should give up on things like caring too. Nobody cares about what I say or do. In fact, I was told just the other day to go die... as it would do the world some good. I don't remember how we got to that stage, but she was able to walk away from the conversation, and I couldn't. I stood there, wondering if it would do the world some good if it were without me. I was so hurt. I took my frustration, and continuous worry out on the world that day. I hurt one of my friends verbally, and said some things I rather wish I hadn't... only out of the fear that upon saying them I have now lost that person's friendship. I have spent the past two days wondering how I have fallen so far from what I once was, or how I am able to continue to fall. I want a second chance at life, but it doesn't seem to be able to happen. Instead I hope for it, and life gets worse. In that perspective, I give up trying to make it better. I won't look to people for help, as they won't give it. For now, I do feel like I have to rely on myself or get hurt worse. The funny thing is, is that nobody notices or cares. I won't ask them to either. As one can tell, reading this, I am still angry. Angry, sad, and scared.

I am also 4 days away from my 18th birthday. Yet, 1 month before I am leaving. Closer to a year, before I can leave all of this mess behind and not have to look back.

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