2012-12-20

Daily Balderdash- 2 Days Worth

Missed a day! Gosh, what's wrong with me? Lol, well here is a makeup post.
Daily question (sorry I only have one of these) WHAT ARE YOUR THREE MOST IMPORTANT VALUES? Well, first I'd have to ask what values this person was looking for. If I had to answer what top 3 things I value most in my life they would probably be my family, my friends, and life.
Songs- 1. Can't be tamed by Miley Cyrus
2. Summertime sadness by Lana Del Rey
Movies- anything Christmas-y= pick 2 of 'em.
Have fun! I know I will! Today is my bday!!!

2012-12-18

The Daily Balderdash

So lately I have posted I ton of crap.... daily questions, songs one should listen to, movies you should watch, and blah blah blah. So now... I have decided DAILY I will post one post of all of this.

So.....
Your daily question is......DO YOU HAVE GOOD FRIENDS? The answer to the is YESSSSS!!!!! I love my friends. I have amazing friends.
The song y'all should listen to is.....Rabiosa by Shakira featuring Pitbull. Great song to put on and dance as wild as possibly.
The move y'all should watch is..... The ABC Family Movie Cyberbully with Emily Osment. This movie definitely relays the importance of what one does on the internet. The only spoiler-like thing I will say... is that it is SOOO easy to find yourself crying with this film. I did, but I cry really really easily.
Something to think about doing... is Sign Up for a fun run, 5k, 10k, half marathon, or marathon.

Anyways that's your daily balderdash..... enjoy!!!

2012-12-17

Daily Question

Today's Question is
DO YOU THINK ABOUT HOW QUICKLY LIFE GOES BY AND REALLY LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST?
My answer is yes. I think about life all the time. I tend to live in the moment, but I don't feel as though I am living my entire live to its potential.

2012-12-16

Daily Question To Think About & My Answer

I just got this app on my IPod, that gives a daily question to think about. From now on I will post them, and my answers to them. Feel free to comment with your answers.

Today's is-
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVE GIVEN UP ON IN LIFE?
My answer is, yes- trying to make the world happy. No matter how hard you try, you can't please everyone.

2012-12-02

More Depressing Poetry

I wrote this during my 'beauty battle'. I hope... in some ways, it helps show what I was going through.





I Will Survive 
Tonight, I'm gonna cry myself to sleep. 
As it has become the only thing that comforts me.
The world has become a miserable place, were no one tries to understand or wants to understand. 
I've entered the world with a clearer image as to what it is.
I pray I do not have to endure it long. 
If I must, I shall, but at what cost?
 
Tonight, I am gonna hug myself. 
This distorted body of mine. 
I will hug it as I harm it. 
Harm it for not being beautiful.
Harm it for being average.
 
Tonight, though, I will survive.
Survive because that is all I have left.
Survive and pray that maybe this hell is a temporary situation. 
That maybe there is a heaven here on earth.
Maybe, I still have time to find it.
 
I will survive. I will survive.
 
 
 

2012-12-01

Music for your ears...

In my last post, I wrote about a current struggle I have. In this post, I want to share a playlist that I made to force myself to be strong. I react strongly through music, so this was extremely helpful to me. Here is 25 songs off of my playlist.

1. Face Up by Lights
2. Runaway by Mat Kearney
3. You're Not Alone by Kate Covington
4. Falling by Florence and the Machine
5. Mad World by Gary Jules
6. Bring Me To Life by Evanescence
7. Keeps Getting Better by Christina Aguilera
8. Wonderwall by Oasis
9. Personal Jesus (Radio Edit) by Marilyn Manson
10. Hard To See by Five Finger Death Punch
11. Helena Beat by Foster The People
12. Savior by Rise Against
13. Perfect People by Natalie Grant
14. Hero by Chad Kroeger ft. Josey Scott
15. You Gotta Be by Desree
16. Bother by Stonesour
17. Suicide by Rihanna
18. Black Roses Red by Alanda Grace
19. What Goes Around by Justin Timberlake
20. Thought Of You by Ryan Woodward
21. Scream With Me by Mudvayne
22. Not Afraid by Eminem
23. You're Not Alone by Meredith Andrews
24. So Alone by Anna Blue
25. Born To Die by Lana Del Rey

2012-11-30

The Beauty Battle

One of the saddest battles I have ever witnessed is the 'Beauty Battle'. One of the saddest things I have come to witness in that, is anorexia. Although I struggle with eating myself, I don't think I am quite as bad as some of these poor girls I have seen. I am definitely not saying I am anorexic either. Tonight, I am writing this, hoping that someone will read this and pass on this story to someone who is. Maybe together, we can help bring 'Ana' to her knees and save the lives of mislead girls.

I started starving myself when I thought I would have a better chance at getting a boyfriend. I wanted my 'Prince Charming'. Looking in the mirror every morning, I saw this fat and ugly girl staring back at me. I was working part-time at a hardware store at the time, and I didn't realize how quickly my world could fall apart. I would be able to go 2-3 days at a time without food or water, and still keep up with how highly physical my job was. I weighed easily 160 pounds before I started, and weight loss had begun due to work alone. By the time I quit, I was down at 120 pounds. The longest time I went without food or water, was 4 1/2 days. Only because I realized that if I fell asleep, my hunger pains disappeared. I felt powerful at the start, knowing I could control myself to that extent. I didn't need food, and I could be pretty. Then my critical side came back... and 120 pounds didn't look skinny enough to make me look pretty. Starving came back. Yet, it took longer to lose the weight. The second period of time I starved myself, I was healthy. Starving myself actually did feeling like I was starving. I spent nights crying myself to sleep, worried that I wouldn't ever be 'girlfriend material'. This struggle took up a lot of my time. Worrying about eating, not eating. I lost a lot of my friends over that time, as they gave up on me. Bruises appeared on my body. My back, hips, arms, legs and I wasn't actually doing anything physically harmful. I did find a boyfriend. He hurt me more than I was hurting myself. Upon finding out that I wasn't promiscuous enough for him, and that he was cheating on me, I dumped him. The best thing for my eating problems happened, afterward. I found out one of my better friends had been going through exactly the same thing. Literally, actually.
I attached the video she made to my blog post, I am so proud of my friend. She is recovering still, but she helped me on the road to my own. I started eating more, which wasn't much to start. To this day, I cannot finish an entire 10-piece order of Chicken Nuggets from McDonald's. I think the hardest part of my journey of recovery, was when I told my very best friend about my struggle for beauty. I remember telling her, and her holding me IN her arms as SHE cried. She comforted me, while I caused her pain. I felt like such a selfish bastard for what I did to her. I still do. Between those two girls alone, I fought yet another battle. A battle to save myself, the girl they loved. I decided, that I wasn't important to myself, not if I was hurting that many people. I started out by eating a meal a day. Then two. Now, I'm back at three. Sometimes they are small, some are huge. Sometimes, I'll feel so hungry, that I will eat three meals, and snack in between. Bruises still come and go, still unexplained. My weight has stayed at an almost even 100 pounds. These events occurred over this last summer. I am still recovering, finding that I am still missing my strength. Currently, I cannot lift more than about 30 pounds and hold it for very long. I still am afraid to look in the mirror. So, most of the time, I don't. I avoid things that put me back where I was, hurting not only myself, but others as well.

Girls, being beautiful isn't worth this. Be beautiful by being yourself. Don't do what I did. Love yourself, make others accept that.

~From two girls who found the strength in a time of weakness, to save themselves before it was too late. 



More Poetry

Here is more poetry for ya'll. This is more recent poetry... I dedicated it to my ex-boyfriend at the time of our break-up. As time goes on, I feel better now about posting this. I will say that I was really, really angry when I wrote this. He was cheating on me, not to much just a bunch of other pretty awful things that were happening. I think I was within my rights .Haha! At least I am not Taylor Swift, singing about it for the whole world to know.  Here it is:

Leave
Don't stop. Don't stare.
Don't think. Don't care.
Don't about me,
'Cause I didn't for thee.
Stop talking, it mocks.
Time is running out on the clocks.
Your presence is starting to lack.
So please remove your knife from my back.
Leave me. Walk away.
Before my nerves you start to flay.

2012-11-25

Depressing Poetry

Death in the Darkness
By Morgan Griffin
Sitting in a corner, a little girl cries,
Torn in despair, from hideous lies.
Where is she to go from here?
When Death itself, sits oh so near.
Acts of violence leave here wounded,
And the sounds of the living murmured.
A cry of pain escapes her lips,
The knife wounds cross in shallow dips.
Her labored breathing slows,
To the surprise of her malicious foes.
The puddle of blood around her grows,
How much time does she have left? Nobody knows.
 
 

2012-09-10

Without You


Without you, my world could not exist. It would not be altered, but instead I would have entered another planet altogether. Where:
1.       One does not simply dance in the rain.
2.       Where camouflage/hunter’s orange become a trend…..
3.       One cannot whistle while they work.
4.       High school never ends.
5.       The music is all monotones.
6.       To have a summer like Phineas and Ferb is suddenly impossible.
7.       On the other side of the rainbow there is most certainly not a leprechaun. (People!!! We just have yet to        
       discover them!!!)
8.       Where the Library of Congress becomes the only library…
9.       There are guidelines for art.
10.   Free time is instead time you must buy.
11.   Those super freaky dreams we all have occasionally, become reality. (So… that one I recently had  
       about being a bunny…yeah, I now go by Mr. Cuddles)
12.   The viola is the only classical musical instrument… (Imagine… gasp! It seems more tragic all the time!!)
13.   The Sunday newspaper dropped the comic section.
14.   The best plot to a movie is no plot at all.
15.   There is only one flavor of ice cream.
16.   The best clothing is the kind you find at Walmart or Meijer.
17.   Sarcasm is found as often as Latin is spoken.
18.   Your favorite movie is played on loop.
19.   Hamburger Helper is a delicacy.
20.   To live in the suburbs is to live the great American dream.
21.   The best way to travel is not by flu powder.
22.   Natural beauty is a continuous flow of Botox injections.
23.   Matt Smith is not the 11th doctor on Doctor Who. Instead, Zac Efron got casted. (Ew…)

Yet, the worst of all, you wouldn’t be there to see just how bad it really was. 

Photography

A tree.

More tree

Even more

In a galaxy far, far away...
There was this horrendous battle scene.

The winner got a weeping angel, which in turn means she couldn't ever blink again. It really was unfortunate. 

It's true!! Griffins work... :P

The view I got at Tahquamenon Falls
Yeah, I REALLY (in all seriousness) wanted to go swimming.

More of the Falls.

At left, you'll see these gorgeous yellow flowers.

The view off of the Mackinac Bridge, in a moving car. 

My baby!!!! 

Who gave me the look of.. "what the crap?" as I took pictures of her. 

Isn't she purrty?

The best model I have ever had to pose in my pictures... 

Yeah... I told her to look at those flowers... 
My bestest, and gorgeous sister/friend... 
These shots were taken over the summer.

A Growing Ache


Hey,
So I have been gone for some time…. busy with college, and everything else.  I have also been trying to develop a better me. I started this year on a downhill slope. I was terrible to many people… as I tried to help others through situations that I should have just let be. The people who I hurt through those actions were the ones who mattered most. Finally I hit rock bottom… and I stayed there for a little while. It wasn’t till about late June that I decided to become a better person than the one I’d taken on. In August things finally felt the way they should, better in many senses… I was happier.
I forced myself to look back, and try to figure out how such a slope began. It had caused an onslaught of memories… and not entirely good ones. I thought at one point, maybe I’d just hit a rebellious stage in my life, and that it was just something I’d get through on my own.
It wasn’t until one of my friends got herself a boyfriend, did I realize the actual problem. The look on his face when he saw her, and her reactions to every compliment he gave… I discovered a yearning. I wanted such a relationship. Not necessarily the compliments, but to be able to feel that way towards someone. The more I thought about it, the more I’d realized…it wasn’t a recently developed yearning, but a yearning that had surfaced.
Yeah, I’d created a gorgeous image on the outside. I’d also created a monster on the inside.  I asked myself, was it all really worth it? Was finding someone so important that I needed a fake image to do so? Was he really worth it, if he couldn’t accept the real me- unedited? If he did, was he worth losing everyone else? NO. No one will ever be worth that to me. I will never choose between one person and everyone else. The latter will always win. Too many put so much on the line for me, for me to throw them away for a fake personality.
I lost what made me beautiful on the outside, but I gained a sense of inner peace. I thank God that the monster I’d created has disappeared, and hopefully it shall remain that way as I discover true beauty is not how you are seen by others, but how what others have discovered in you.

So, I guess my message through all of this is, is that I’M BACK. Good luck getting rid of me. :P
Thanks for continuing to read…. 

2012-09-02

My poetry...

Okay, so I'll admit... it's true... I write depressing poetry.... A LOT OF DEPRESSING POETRY. Oh well, as long as people keep reading it, I will continue to write it.

Here is one I recently wrote:




Achieving Nothing
As she sat alone, she sat in darkness.
She sat in a pool of despair,
Looking about her in a miserable air.

All that she'd accomplished,
All that she'd done. 
She found little glory, in the hatred she'd won.

Now they'd never trust her,
or care for her affections.
Nor the mildest of her in imperfections.


Hope it's okay... 
Thanks for reading. 

2012-04-25

Draft From Earlier This Month

So... last time I posted, everything in my life seemed to have been going wrong. As a bit of time has progressed, some things have come out to be better. Fascinating... I know.
In all honesty, though, I feel lucky on the developments. That guy I really liked? He's totally like my best friend. Don't worry!!! I don't feel like things have become awkward or anything. My job? Eh... not as bad as before. Things are definitely getting better.

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These)

http://grooveshark.com/s/Sweet+Dreams+Are+Made+Of+This/4jflcW?src=5

A new song I have recently discovered from the Sucker Punch soundtrack. Not that I have seen the movie... but I really enjoy remixes. This particular song is remixed off of the original by 'Eurythmics'. Emily Browning sings the remix. Marilyn Manson also did a remix for this song... but I didn't really care as much for it.
Anyways, hope you enjoy!!!

2012-04-24

Not Afraid!

I am not afraid to be me. I love artsy things. Music, photography, sketches, you name it!
I love being outside! In the summer, I'm in the lake... about as long as I can endure (lol, without turning into a fish). I hike, bike, and well... anything that one really can do to enjoy nature to the best extent. In the winter, I enjoy hitting the slopes.
I love life when life is at it's best. It is easily altered when some make life miserable. Again, easily altered. Especially when something as simple as seeing someone I know, or meeting new people with similar interests as my own.

This last couple of weeks, have been good to me.    : )

2012-04-17

Does He Exist?

It's funny how one moment can seem wonderful and perfect. Yet, in the next, everything could be different. The first moment, as one can be absolutely certain, never lasts. For me, the first moment is in short supply and far too separate to be enjoyed to much extent.

I've only ever wanted to find someone. Someone to care for me, as much as I for him. Not to have to worry about the drama of not having to worry about the drama of the relationships about us. No heartbreak, not having to worry about abuse from him (of any form). Someone I am happy to be with, whenever and wherever. Someone I can feel free to care for, love, and support.

I wonder if someone like that exists, or if maybe... I should face the reality that he doesn't.

2012-03-11

Life Still Goes On....

So, I cleaned my house today. It took from when I woke up at 11am this morning, pretty much till 4pm tonight. Got pretty far. Made my mom pretty happy. It gave me a little too much time to think, but I guess that is how moving on works. I took my dog for a walk this evening, and talked a bit with my friends. They are all so wonderful, it would be hard not to talk to them, laugh, and enjoy every second. Now, I am alone again. Thinking. Life has it's moments, it takes a strong person to chose not to indulge in them and keep going on. I wish, at times, I were that person. Maybe, someday. : /

2012-03-08

Some Things Just Don't Work

So I said it. More like messaged it. In the end, nothing changed. It's amazing how you can be utterly happy one moment, and entirely depressed the next. That's how it's been since. That, I can honestly say, is how it will be for a little while. :'(

2012-02-23

Balance...

Hey Readers,
So as of lately, balance has become a big problem for me. School, job, friends, family, music, etc.
With all of my college stuff coming up in the fall, I'll admit to being a little stressed as to not know how all will turn out. I am hoping for decent scores. My job is going okay. I never thought I'd be able to fit in with a job at a hardware store, but I guess I proved myself wrong on that one. Friends and family are both great. I love being around as many of them as I can get at any point. What can I say? I AM definitely a people person. Music is going fine. Orchestra is busy, as we prepare for Fiddler's Jamboree yet again this year. I've decided at the last second to take on the practice required to go to the said event. I am excited though, for the actual concert coming up in the spring, it's going to occur on MY turf. Yup, we're playing at the high school in my town... eek! (really excited)

I have something else to add to my busyness. I am head-over-heals for someone right now. I am afraid to get into any form of a relationship and have it ended on me, though. Being busy all the time, doesn't seem like something a guy is going to want to be involved with. You never know, though. Maybe things will work out this time. All I can do is hope.
I will say that he is absolutely amazing. We have so much in common, which makes him really easy to talk to. He's smart, almost as much as a music dork as I am, and well... perfect.

I say all of this and my brain goes, "Wait till after college". Yet, what if I miss this opportunity? I don't want to go through life going "What if this...? Or, what if that...?" Ya know? There is nothing good about those situations, as I have already found out. So, no. I can't wait till college, not with this.

Anyways, I'm sure ya'll are absolutely enjoying reading my vicious debate over all of this.. (heavy sarcasm)
Yet, I could be missing on opportunities as we speak.
Gots to go,
Thanks for reading!!

2012-02-20

10 Songs You Should Listen To- Right This Second!

Here are ten songs you should listen to, right NOW. Haha, just kidding. No seriously, if you are half the music geek I am, I totally recommend listening to them. 

1. Runaway  by Mat Kearney - I love this song! Then again, I love a lot of Mat Kearney's songs... so yeah...
2. Vanilla Twilight by Owl City - This song is SO cute, I love listening to it!
3. Battle  by Chris August - Life IS a battle of wrong and right. Sometimes it's hard to find that fine line between the two. 
4. Calling You by Blue October- Although, I haven't really explored much of Blue October's music, I have really come to enjoy this particular song. As I call people a lot, this song is very fitting.
5. Drive By by Train- Honestly, I wasn't sure if I should have posted this one, or Train's "Marry You", just because I adore both. (I'm just an itty bit of a romanticist...okay, scratch that... extremely romantic would be closer to the truth)
6. Monster (remix) by Meg and Dia- Love this song, it's got such a cool beat!
7. Stronger by Kelly Clarkson - This is one of my favorite songs that I find really uplifting in those moments that I feel like crap, so it absolutely had to make it on to this list.
8. Sail by AWOLNATION-  No, I don't usually listen to the depressing songs. Yet, for some reason, I can't seem to stop humming this song. Not really sure what's up there.... 
9. I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls- There was a brief post-break-up point for me, and this song had a LOT of meaning to me. 
10. Courageous by Casting Crowns- Sometimes the best things can come from just one courageous moment. :)
Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
Thanks for reading!

2012-02-15

Reflecting Back On Valentines Day

Flowers, cards with cute little poems, chocolates, and many other gestures of affections. Welcome to Valentines Day, the holiday to celebrate love. A day to show family, friends, and that special someone how much you care.

Valentines day is celebrated in many different ways. It made me curious as to how my readers celebrated yesterday. Those in a relationship, how did you celebrate? Did you get out and do anything special with your boyfriend/girlfriend? And my single readers, how did you celebrate? At the end of the night, how many of you were able to change your relationship status on things like Facebook? Please post below and let me know how you spent yesterday.

I spent yesterday from 7:30am to 3pm doing school. Then, I read a little and enjoyed some sketching. As of lately, I have been sketching more and more. Animals are the easiest for me to sketch, and they look the best when I am done. Haha, my people have an alien-like affect to them when I sketch them. Either animals or inanimate objects, I'll sketch, dependent upon my mood. Yesterday, I sketched animals. I did a little creative writing, and ended my artsy evening by jamming to some songs on my Ipod. My family and I celebrated our Valentines Day over dinner. Mom made awesome pizza. She has been experimenting some recipes on us. She made two pizzas last night, a BBQ one and a bacon/chicken/ranch one. Personally, the latter was my favorite. It had bacon, and (honestly) anything with bacon takes top place with me. Ever since my mom found out she couldn't have bacon (or anything pork, for that matter), we have had to make do without it. Which, has made me quite sad...
Anyways, Mom decorated and arranged some really cute cupcakes. Rose and Matthew handed out their handmade valentines. Rose performed a ballet, lyrical, tap routine for us, which was choreographed pretty nicely if I do say so. 
Then, I chatted it up on Facebook before heading to bed. There was a hockey game on last night, which held absolutely no interest of mine (even though I heard the Red Wings made history...). 

I didn't spend Valentines Day in any romantic way, with anyone 'special'. Trust me, I wanted to (secretly) (no, my family would disagree on the secrecy part...haha). I keep trying to tell myself to make it through at least high school... yet, I feel like that goal may be a little hard to stick with. So, I don't know, maybe next Valentines Day will be different. All a girl can do is hope.... :)

Anyways, post your adventures of yesterday!!!! Love to hear what ya'll did!!! 
Thanks for reading!!!

2012-02-07

Part of My 'Bucket List'

Goodness, at age seventeen, I cannot believe that I have begun to think of such a topic. I mean, really, I'm not really sure what inspired this. Yet, I have a VERY long list of things I would like to do before my time is up. Here is part of that list-
1. Be an extra in a movie. (That or part of the stunt crew)
2. Go and see a Broadway play.
3. Dress up and go to Comicon.
4. Go to a restaurant and order diet water.
5. Become fluent in multiple languages.
6. Take part in a triathlon.
7. See the Northern Lights.
8. Go swimming with dolphins.
9. Go on a road trip.
10. Knit a scarf.
11. Make a difference in someone's life.
12. Climb a mountain.
13. Go to a furniture store and hide in a wardrobe. When someone opens the wardrobe door, run out screaming "For Narnia!!!!!!".
14. Be involved in a high-speed chase.
15. Recreate a scene from a movie/book/play in a very public place and see what happens.
16. Learn how to play the drums.
17. Make a t-shirt quilt.
18. Talk in the Shakespearean language for an entire day.
19. Sing in front of a live audience.
20. Bring joy to someone who's spirits have been crushed entirely.
21. Identify the people who have inspired me most in my life, and tell them.
22. Get a complete makeover- Get a different hairstyle, hair color, clothes, etc.
23. Invite a bunch of British people over to my house, and go tell my neighbors that the British are coming.
24. Learn how to shoot a gun.
25. Wear a "Free Hugs" t-shirt, and aim to get over 1,000 hugs.
26. Go into a really, really crowded elevator, and with a straight face say, "I'm sure you are all wondering why you've been gathered here".
27. Go skydiving.
28. Retire to somewhere REALLY WARM.
29. Learn how to figure skate.
30. Compose a song.
31. Ride in a hot air balloon.
32. Race a sports car.
33. Learn to surf.
34. Go see Mount Rushmore.
35. Live in a foreign country for 6 months.
36. Take up gourmet cooking.
37. Create a coat of arms for my family.
38. Go to Time's Square on New Year's Eve.
39. Restore a classic car.
40. Learn sign language.
41. Learn how to say "hello" in 50 different languages.
42. Have my portrait painted.
43. Send a message in a bottle.
44. Spend a night in a haunted house, with a group of friends.
45. Catch a baseball in the stands of a major league game.
46. Make a hole-in-one.
47. Reflect upon my greatest weakness, and (eventually) realize that it is actually my greatest strength.

2012-01-18

Messy Mondays: Seven Lies about Homeschoolers

LOL!!! This video is so true about the lies of homeschooling!!! Totally recommend watching it. Hopefully, you get as much of a kick out of it as I did! :)